I have these moments where I just feel shit.
Where I wish I could honestly escape, you know jump in a car, and just drive. No where in particular, just drive and drive till I dont know where I’m going.
I need to escape sometimes, I guess the closest I’m coming to that right now is sitting in my backyard having a cigarette, trying to calm myself down, trying to bring me back to happiness. Right now I’m looking back on some of the worse of events that have unravelled in my life in the past 5 months, I guess I haven’t fully come to terms with some of them. Tried to ignore the issue, pretend it never happened, bottle it up, and now its out, the emotions from these events are out and I feel pretty crap. I feel like curling into a ball and crying, I really dont want to though. I’m stronger then that, I am but like usual I’ll have a moment of weakness every now and then. This moment is now. 
This Friday I’m meeting my father for the first time in years, I’m scared. I’m so scared. I need someone to talk to right now, to let my fears go to.. but no one is answering me. I feel so alone right now. Mmm..
I dont even know.