“If you only knew how much I missed you, would you come back
Soaking up the pain but it left a stain, now my hearts gone black
We danced on the table tops, every time I saw you, my heart it dropped
What am I supposed to say, I am breaking but you’re okay, you’re okay
You’re all okay, you’re all okay

If you only knew what you put me through, would you come home
You used to hold my hand now I can barely stand
Left me all alone
We danced on the table tops, every time I saw you, my heart it dropped
What am I supposed to say, I am breaking but you’re okay, you’re okay
You’re all okay, you’re all okay

So go, get out of my head, go
Theres a shadow in my bed
Go, go, go, go

We danced on the table tops, every time I saw you, my heart it dropped
What am I supposed to say I am breaking, but you’re okay, you’re okay
You’re all okay, you’re all okay.”

Wed 2:33AM, 25th January 2012

Night after night for two weeks, I fell asleep next to you and awoke to your unflattering morning breath which soon never seemed to bother me. Now, I fall asleep alone, and wake up alone. Loneliness isn’t pleasant, not when you’ve grown so familiar with company. The warmth of your body helped me fall asleep, it made me feel safe, a part of me believes you take away the bad dreams. That you are my dream catcher.
I miss my dream catcher, I miss falling asleep next you, and waking up to your croaky morning voice, whispering “Good morning beautiful.”
But for the next nights, I’ll find myself tossing and turning cuddling my blanket thinking its you, and ending up in the corner of the bed just like I do at yours and waking up with disappointment when you aren’t there. 

Nightmares

As I lay restless in bed, I turn over to you.  Your bare back turned against me, I edge my body closer to yours, my bare breasts press up against your cool back. I feel the twitch of your leg every so often, whilst the warmth of your breath hits my hand that lies on the other side of your body. I envy you, how you are able to run off with dragons, and jam with your favorite musician whilst I lay restless for hours. Fighting with my eyelids to stay awake. Sleep is so beautiful, yet I’m so afraid, I’m so afraid to fall into the brains mindless trap of nightmares. Where you don’t find yourself running away with dragons, but you find them attacking you, ripping your body to shreds, leaving scars deeper then the craters in the moon. Where all your fears combined, and your left struggling for your life; nightmares so horrid that you wake up gasping for air, with sweat dripping from the corners of your forehead and a racing pulse. So whilst the rest of the world sleeps, I fight. I fight myself to stay awake, because although the dreams aren’t reality they stick with me like glue, every time I close my eyes I see what I ache to forget. Imagination runs wild in my sleep, but it also runs too violently, and too gruesome to ever forget.

Fuck it, I’m sick of being walked over.
Time to be my strong self again.