I have these moments where I just feel shit.
Where I wish I could honestly escape, you know jump in a car, and just drive. No where in particular, just drive and drive till I dont know where I’m going.
I need to escape sometimes, I guess the closest I’m coming to that right now is sitting in my backyard having a cigarette, trying to calm myself down, trying to bring me back to happiness. Right now I’m looking back on some of the worse of events that have unravelled in my life in the past 5 months, I guess I haven’t fully come to terms with some of them. Tried to ignore the issue, pretend it never happened, bottle it up, and now its out, the emotions from these events are out and I feel pretty crap. I feel like curling into a ball and crying, I really dont want to though. I’m stronger then that, I am but like usual I’ll have a moment of weakness every now and then. This moment is now. 
This Friday I’m meeting my father for the first time in years, I’m scared. I’m so scared. I need someone to talk to right now, to let my fears go to.. but no one is answering me. I feel so alone right now. Mmm..
I dont even know. 

5 drafts later and I think I’m just going to put this simply. Like every other time I’ve told you, but in writing you know because I dont want to see your response. I just want you to know, and whenever you feel down, or whenever you need comfort, or perhaps when you have any doubt I want you to know that here it will always be written in words here, always.

I love you.
You were my first boyfriend in high school, and 5 years later you are my first real boyfriend in my life. You are the one person who I can count on when things turn to shit, and you are the one person who can make me smile ear to ear just by being you.
You are one of a kind. 
You make me wish I was passionate about something, and you make me strive to want to find a hobby and a passion in life like you are so passionate about playing guitar. Its truly so inspiring, you are inspiring. I wish the best for you, that one day you make it big, that one day you play in front of crowds, that one day you dont just inspire me to want to find a passion, but you inspire thousands to want to find a passion. 

I always kinda replay all the really nice moments I’ve had with you when I’m down, they make me feel better, they remind me that I’m loved. From the day at Victor in October when we were only just figuring out that we were both kind of fond of each other, and I was making a joke and said “I know you wannnaaa kiss me and all..” and you thought I was being serious and in shock said “how did you know?” hahaha I completely caught you out. To the day you asked me to be your girlfriend at Grange, with the most perfect of sunset and we watched the storm over the sea and ashjdhasaduhkajahskdja. To that night we skipped speech night together, and sat outside Adelaide Oval and listened to the Foo Fighters, even though you aren’t the biggest fan you did it for me. To every time we get into ridiculous tickle fights, or stupid arguments that last 5 minutes and ends up with one of us shouting at each other “I love you.”
You make me happy Zacwii ;)

You are amazing, and truly such a great person. Always, always remember that :) 

I have the best boyfriend, ever. 
:)